Ok, so...

This is probably totally inappropriate and too personal or whatever (don't worry it's not gross) for our wee blog here, but I'm gonna give it a shot anyway. So lately I've been thinking about people, friends to be specific or shall I say 'friends'. To cut an unnecessarily long story short, Bif and I had these friends. Things were good, they were fine, great at times! These were friends rooted in high school and university experiences, tried and trusted. Basically, sometime last year, shit hit the fan in a pretty massive way. But also in a very weird way.

At the end of the day Bif and I are pretty much left here with no explanation what so ever. Just a swift, clean cut out of their lives. I'm not going to lie, there was a lot of anger. Bitterness. Hurt (sob). But what there wasn't was an explanation. No Unnamed ex-Friend: "You're a weirdo Sarah, I don't like you anymore." Me: "I'm not weird, you're weird." We agree to disagree. Bye for life. Nope nothing of the sort. Just complete silence. And now, almost a year on, people tell me to move on, which I have but it still comes back to me once in a while and bugs the living hell out of me.

What did I do? But even that is like whatevz, I can get past that. They don't want me to know what I did or talk to me - fine. What really stings about this whole thing is how disposable I felt. We'd been through a lot together and all of a sudden it was gone, with no regret or explanation or warning or attempt to fix whatever was wrong. We'd been through good, happy, crazy, fun and even bad. I feel like a whole, very important time of my life was gone and never happened (and cos my computer broke I lost a lot of photos that only certain people can replace) I thought we stood by each other - apparently not...?

Look here. I'm done with being angry - cos I was angry! I'm done with guessing what was so wrong with me that I was so quickly severed from their lives. I just want to know. It's like a black hole in my mind. What do you think I did (or didn't do) and why didn't you tell me? Did you feel you could not talk to me? Really? Cos that kind of sucks. That kind of hurts. I'd like to say sorry, but I won't say sorry to something I don't know anything about. Bif and I tried to extend olive branches once or twice but it's pretty clear that we are no longer welcomed. But I want to extend more than an olive branch, I want to extend a letter of questions - but I'm way too chicken.

Does this stuff really happen? I still can't believe it does. I thought we were all 'adults' here and could water-under-the-bridge stuff, unless it was reeeeeeeally bad. Were we reeeeeeeally that bad? Tell me. Feedback please. Honestly. I'd really like to know. I might not agree, but I will listen. Anyway. Weird. It was all very weird. I am weird, sorry readers. More light-hearted unfashionable shit to follow - promise!